So for whatever reason you follow my blog page, or even if you don’t, to find some emotion within yourself, whatever that emotion may be…when reading one or more of my posts, poems and more, all I ask is to bare with me in these times. Because as sad and depressing this may sound, you the reader is at the moment more real to me than my own reality. I just want to also thank you for sticking with me if you’ve been following my scriptures for some time, and if your new… welcome my faceless friend.
Right, well… If you are religious I want to ask that you either turn away at this point or if you feel up to it embark with me upon a journey that you may not have heard before. a Sort of perspective that may not be apparent to everyone and without further ado please, enjoy-ish….
Where to start? Well i guess ill have to go way way back, to when i was but a child not even old enough to grow my first chin hairs. My family was always religious, and i predict they will remain that way at least on my father’s side. I was brought up in a christian home, where both my parents claim to have witnessed miracles themselves, where God saved my mother from jumping of a quite bridge at 2am. to saving my father from having to vacate our home, sell all our belongings and to find us an old tree to sleep under. These occurrences happened far back into the past, to when my mother was still carrying me inside her womb. Yet one thing i have experienced through countless disappointments in Christ is that no matter how many metaphors there may be in the bible or how many stories i can be told about miracles, in the end remain stories. I say this because without experiencing these so-called miracles myself they remain fiction, an image created by my imagination, you see, in the end no matter how many witnesses of miracles I speak to, I will never have any idea as to what they are talking about because of my lack of experience.
So back to the story, I was a joyful child. Without worry or regret. Why you may ask? well because I was a christian at one time in my life, I was manipulated to believe things that I have no evidence of, and i suspect i never will have evidence of. So in my own world, oblivious to reality I was…happy… Then one day things changed, subtle at first and later on snowballing into chaos. You see the church i was in, the pastor at the front, giving his speeches was a master of manipulation. My mother at the time was going through a rough patch, she also suffers from countless mental disorders like myself and the cunning church used those inabilities that resided within my mother to convince my father she was unholy…a demon in human form… Needless to say, he was brainwashed enough to believe them, and choose their words over the one he loved most. This predicament almost cost my family dearly, I can still remember the fights they would have each night behind closed doors. They must have actually believed that i was really asleep, I always was a good actor in dire times i guess. Time passed and, my father luckily came too, and we left that Godless place. Ever since then I am unable to see a house of God with the same eyes.
I started realizing small hints of manipulation within the churches, things that if you are not careful, you can fall prey to as well. Ever really sat down and thought why? Why do you need to pay a tenth? My reasoning is simple, look at the car the pastor drives… the house he lives in, the jewelry his wife wares ( if he has one). They say its symbolic, a way to give back to God… but where did it come from? Well that’s a history lesson for another day, for now ill give a simple explanation; Roman Catholic Churches, but the trail back doesn’t stop there, ancient Egyptians? How you in those times you had to give an “offering” to merely set foot inside a temple? Maybe even further back? Maybe basic human nature itself? In truth, we are greedy… simply put, we strive to better ourselves and once we have, we look down on others, no matter how many times you may deny it. We turn to religion when we feel heavy with guilt, believing that something beyond our comprehension loves us and forgives us for what we’ve done, even if the victim of our discrimination doesnt. We manipulate to gain favor within others, so that some day we can use our “kindness” against them. We fear death, so its only natural to use our imagination to put our fears to rest, believing that there’s life after life. Who am i to say that there is or isn’t? Again, I have no experience with death so i cannot say what is true and what is false. I am not religious, I think you know that by now if you are still reading this but im am not not religious. I am simply unaffiliated and in a way my view of the world isnt all that much sunshine and rainbows but I truly think that is necessary for us as a whole to learn, by asking questions. I am not telling you to abandon your religion, no… I am simply urging you to think. To not look at the world through a two toned veil, where there is only good and evil. Look at the evil, and see the good and vise versa. Do not allow yourself to fall victim to manipulation of church or temple. Wake up! Think!
Why am i saying this all of a sudden? well i visited a church recently, its been a while since i did something like this… and nothings changed. I only wish they would be honest, say the tenth is to further the church, to by yourself new clothes, say its paying for a service… don’t say its the will of God. Be modest, don’t say things like christians are all about saving lives, when you never saved anyone. Dont say that you dont judge because i heard the whispers all around me while i wasnt singing. My scars are MINE and MINE to bare!…and dont look at me and smile, hoping i would sing along….
I don’t have a problem with God, I have a problem with His children.
and news flash by the way… don’t ask God for forgiveness, ask the person you’ve sinned against…that way you might save a life….
I have this image burned into my head…. I was sitting there, in the church, watching everyone pay there tenths, smiling. As we drove out of the parking area… i saw a homeless man, no one batted an eye.
Thank you…. and if you have questions or want to enlighten me… please don’t be scared to email me at Theswitchesm@gmail.com or R.I.PBlackshe3p@gmail.com